How to Work With an Insecure Boss - For Those Who Can't Quit!
This post is for those who have no choice but to stay and work with their toxic and insecure boss. You may not be in a position to move, the job market is extremely tough right now and you may feel that sticking it out is the safest and most financially sound option.
If you have a boss that is truly toxic and insecure, then trying to get on their good side can partially help but not fully, unless your company and senior management can identify that the boss is not up to standard and decide to act. For ways to call out a bad boss to HR try reading how to Survive a Gaslighting Boss, but for ways to try and patch up a relationship with an insecure boss (at least for now) you can try these tips:
Try to understand why your boss feels insecure
This is to avoid pushing those buttons which causes your boss to freak!
Your boss could be worried you’ll take his or her job.
Try to drop hints that they are way more senior and experienced than you, and their position isn’t something you’d think about till 5 years down the line.
Your boss could be worried about being made redundant
Try to flatter your boss about how important they are.
Your boss could be worried they’ll be found out that they are really struggling
Try to catch any mistakes your boss makes and let them know in private so that they see you as an ally rather than as a someone who’s caught onto their secret.
2. Try to flatter and get on with your boss
You may find this very difficult but try to do this genuinely. For example if they are wearing a nice outfit, or look fresh from a few days off, mention it.
And always ask how their weekend was, make them feel like you value you them at least as a person if not at first professionally!
3. Keep them up to date with your work
Insecure bosses tend to micromanage because they constantly feel like they are not in control or on top of their own work pressures. In order to feel more in control, they need to know exactly what you’re doing.
In addition, if they have other insecurities such as you usurping them, then if you’re looping them in on everything you’re confirming you’re not going behind them, or cutting them out of the picture.
4. Try your best to make your boss feel like a boss
Check in.
Ask permission.
Ask for advice.
Apologise to them if you made a mistake.
Thank them. (Even if whatever it was you got wasn’t from them! e.g. of it was your idea, thank them for the discussion you had about it)
5. Keep doing excellent work
At the end of the day , if your work is good and is noted by others as good, you’re in a strong position and your boss will find it difficult to try and undermine you.
I really hope with these steps you’ll find a much improved relationship. It is worth a try and the practice for the longer term. Over half the workforce leave jobs because of a bad boss, so it’s unlikely your current bad boss will be your last! This is always good practice for how to get off on the right foot if you’re unlucky enough to get another one.
If you find that after doing all of these steps, your boss is still making your work life difficult then you may need advice on how to cope with an undermining boss, which will provide you with tips on how to stay mentally resilient, as well as how to switch off from work as it can be incredibly easy to let this affect your non work life too.
GOOD LUCK
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