Constantly stressed and feel like you're a failure at work? Have you tried not caring so much?

I was happily chatting away to my parents about the weather, when tears started gushing out of my eyes uncontrollably. My mum was pottering around in the kitchen and my dad was watching TV, so they didn't notice at first. Then my mum looked up at me and saw the floods of tears, "What's wrong? What's happened?". "It's just work" I replied, "I'm being silly". 

What this was, was a year and half of feeling crap at my job.  This whole time, I had subconsciously and consciously been blaming myself for every little mistake, every task that I didn't deliver on time and everything I had delivered on time but had follow up questions.  It had got to the point where my body couldn't hack it anymore even if my brain could. The constant tension in my shoulders was a reminder of my stresses and multiplied it further. The tears were literally a physical release of  stress and tension.

Since that day, something has clarified in my mind with crystal clear certainty: It's not me anymore, it's the job. The difference between this and perhaps all the times I had argued with myself about whose fault something was, is that this was not a defensive response. This was a genuine realisation that I've tried my best for a long time and if it's not good enough, its not me anymore. Instead of being praised for the 50 things I was delivering over and above my original job description I was kicking myself, and being allowed to be pressured into stressing about why I hadn't delivered the other 40 things.

Since this realisation, I feel so much more confident and comfortable in myself. My skin has cleared up and the tension in my shoulders have lifted. I'm not leaving work at a ridiculous hour, I don't work at the weekends as much and fundamentally, I don't care so much anymore. I used to care a lot because getting everything delivered on time was a reflection of how good I was at my job. Now that it is obvious to me that it is impossible to deliver ridiculous work demands with less resources, I also know that it has absolutely no bearing on how good I am at my job. 

What is helping me to believe all this, is I look around me and look at what I have achieved. I have worked hard for all of it and I have done well for myself. The fact that this job is overly demanding is not going to stop myself from feeling good about what I have achieved to date and appreciate what I do have and what I can have. You know what? I'm doing absolutely fine, if not fucking amazing really.  

Resources on how to stop caring so much:

Guardian Article in the Women In Leadership section: Is it Time to Stop Giving So Much of a Damn at Work

Mark Manson's Blog Article/ Excerpt from his book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck