Baby or Career?
Should I wait till after a promotion before trying for a baby? Can I look for a new job whilst trying to conceive? Or should I have a baby first?! These are common questions women who’d like to start a family whilst also looking to climb that career ladder, often ask themselves. You may be at the peak of your career trajectory and having a baby isn’t great timing, and on the other hand you may feel you’re approaching the age where you don’t want to risk delaying having a baby any longer.
We’re often made to feel like we have to choose one or the other, and that you cannot have both. And to a certain extent we shouldn’t pretend that it’s easy to have both, in reality sacrifices are made. But why not try to get as much of both as you can? Why do we have feel like we have to 100% sacrifice one for the other? I personally decided to try and do both, and so far it’s worked out having joined a welcoming company four months' pregnant. But it’s a very personal decision. Every woman will have different circumstances, and levels of risk and stress they prefer to deal with.
Below are some reasons to stay or leave your job that you may want to consider:
Reasons to stay in current job:
Good work life balance and maternity benefits.
Stable and safe income.
Good work culture and you’re likely to have future career trajectory after you have a baby.
You don’t have to feel guilty about leaving so soon in a new job.
You’re too anxious about the instability of being in a new job and need to make sure you have regular income.
Reasons to leave:
There are no further development opportunities/ promotion where you currently work and you’ve exhausted all other avenues.
Your current job is damaging to your mental health.
You feel your current job could actually hold you back in your career, and even more so for going on maternity leave.
Your new job would offer better maternity benefits and pay in the long term.
You have enough financial resources or support, in case the new job doesn’t work out.
Personally, I had no room for progress in my old job, I was no longer learning, and it was damaging my mental health to work for a gaslighting boss. I felt staying any longer, would actually hold me back in my career journey longer than necessary.
So I took a leap of faith, I started looking for a new job AND trying for a baby. The answer was in the dilemma: Who knows how long it would take to get a new job or to successfully get pregnant? Therefore try both and let things work out in their own time. As someone who’d tried both pathways separately and have neither work out over the course of 2-3 years (I’d suffered two miscarriages over the course of a year, and then took a break from trying whilst looking for a new job for another year), I’d had enough and could no longer put off one for the other.
Here are a few things I learnt along my journey:
Don’t assume that you’ll get pregnant the moment you start trying
It could take a while. And even if you do get pregnant straight away, 1 in 4 are reported to suffer a miscarriage. I personally suffered two miscarriages and couldn’t handle the stress of trying a third time, without taking a year’s break. That meant in total we waited an additional 2-3 years before finally reaching a successful pregnancy. Could or would you want to put off your career move for years?
Equally don’t give yourself so much pressure by assuming that after the age of 35, your fertility instantly dies and that you won’t be able to have a baby
A study quoted by The Guardian reported that: “with sex at least twice a week, 78% of women aged 35 to 40 conceived within a year, compared with 84% of women aged 20 to 34.”
Don’t assume you can wait around for the perfect job move or opportunity before trying to conceive.
Again, you could be waiting a while for a successful job offer, and all the while time is ticking on having a baby. In reality no job is perfect anyway, it’s only the next step in your career pathway.
Don’t assume that if you are lucky enough to get pregnant quickly, your new workplace and boss will hate you for it!
There is a big drive to ensure women are not disadvantaged e.g. gender pay gap reporting is putting pressure on UK companies to improve the statistics of women in senior positions, and it’s become way more taboo and bad PR to sack a pregnant woman, no company wants to be seen to be prejudiced. Obviously we don’t want to pretend that sexism doesn't exist, and companies can still try to force you out for being pregnant, therefore make sure to:
Research the company you’re thinking of moving to.
Pick up vibes from your interviewers do you feel they are confident and secure enough to deal with staff going on maternity leave. Have they been in the company long enough?
Consider larger companies, which tend to have comprehensive HR policies and publish gender pay gap reports
Have savings, to tide you over, in case of a worst case scenario
Personally, I was willing to take the risks of any fall out if I became pregnant at the same time as starting a new job. For me, having a baby was most important, so if I ended up getting sacked in my new job for it, it wouldn’t matter, I'd get the job title at least on my CV for a couple of months! However, I recognise I could afford to take that risk because I’ve been fortunate enough to save enough money to buffer me from being out of work for a significant period, or if I needed to take unpaid maternity leave. I also felt in the long run I would be financially better off because even though I'd lose out on 5 month’s of company maternity pay salary, I'd gain that back in a better salary overall in my new more senior job, and my subsequent job after that, compared with staying in the same company where I was unlikely to ever get a promotion.
If you’re thinking of moving, there are things you can do to make yourself more financially secure to give yourself that flexibility of being able to take risks:
Save up money to buffer the risk of being out of a job for a significant period of time.
Brush up your CV and add skills and experience to ensure you stay attractive in the job market.
Create a budget to calculate how long you could be out of work with your current outgoings and what you could cut back on to make that period last longer.
Read up on maternity rights in your country and the benefits you should be entitled to. In the UK, if you haven’t worked long enough in your new job, you may not qualify for Statutory Maternity Pay, but you could qualify for Maternity Allowance. Do the sums and work out if it is enough to survive on.
Find out the maternity package in your current and potential new job and weigh up the financials you could be sacrificing or gaining.
This is a very personal decision that each woman will have to make and there is no right or wrong answer. However if you're wondering if it is possible to get the best of both, get a better paid job and have a baby, it is possible! I've done it. Though be aware that it is not without risk (I’m lucky my boss and company have been welcoming about my news and are doing things the right way) and some sacrifice - I've lost out on company maternity pay. But I know I'll more than make up for it when I'm back working, and most importantly we have our baby which is what my husband and I value more than anything in the world.
Good luck!
